Saturday, October 29, 2005


mmm, just finished making a new soup - not so 'improvised' as the two on, as i sort of bought one of the ingredients deliberately to go with the ones i knew i had in the house. so it was a kind of premeditated soup. fennel, sweet potato and carrot with a touch of black pepper and garlic. it's very lightly seasoned so that the boys can eat it as well. no added salt - i used some stock cubes and i fear they may have had enough salt to mummify at leaste one of us.

i have to be careful what i eat now. trying to eliminate possible causes of certain ailments, more blood tests - this time for pernicious anaemia amongst other things! seems like a lots of stuff is not going as i'd like it to, i often think that its purely down to stress.

i'm on the sick, doctor's orders, he gave me longer than i'd have liked. but then again that's not really true, i'd like to not have to go to work at all!

but as a teacher you sort of always feel a bit guilty if you're not there (with younger children i suppose that is). the place can however make you feel really guilty, the boss and the parents get really shirty if a teacher is ill - very unfair.

yesteday's soup

and very nice too was the soup. today i made lentil, wheat and chicken but we haven't eaten any yet, well the boys have. nic's gone to venice and i'm being

the good dad.
been out, down to the park at san giuliano which looks out to venice from the mainland. it was a beautiful, mist, venetian day. foggy, but with an amazing

light that came out as a red/violet tint on the photos. wonderful when you can distinguish the horizon from the lagoon and the islands simply lurk somewhere

in the distance. venice herself was almost invisible, save a hazy lump and the ever present 'campanile', amazing, you couldn't see the city but you could

see the belltower.

hard to wipe your nose on scar tissue

29_10_05 ii
it's funny to see how and what i've just written. i am in a terrible state, a very black mood. ever inch of me feels as if it's got its own particular pain. i just want to explode, to scream until i cough my lungs out, to smash something, to kick the living daylights out of someone, to DESTROY something, physically, violently. i direct it all inwards and punch myself.

it doesn't work.

it's absurd the difference betwwen how i feel inwardly at present, and my 'nature'.

am i a potential killer?
am i a danger to others?
am i a danger to myself?
am i a closet thug
am i a loser
am i?
am i?

probably not. but that doesn't take the pain away. i can't cry anymore. instead i bite the inside of my lip, i have hard skin inside my mouth, scar tissue.
then i go blank.

and i can't think.

like now.

but then it's funny to go back and read stuff that i've just written about making soup. what the hell is going on? i am falling apart but making great

food and writing drivel about doing so.
i should be making great food and writing great stuff about it.....

Monday, October 24, 2005


how come refilling a printer cartridge provokes a paper jam disaster?

i just don't get it, one minute to refill the cartridge thus saving twenty odd euros and one normal one. one hour to get the bloody thing to print. at leats two days knocked of my life expectancy due to excess stress and about five euro worth of tree chucked away in the course of things.

that's what i like about computers, how they speed things up and make life easier.


Sunday, October 23, 2005

3 - 2

apparently in this new apartment you shouldn't make shepherds pie whilst someone is trying to find out the score of the newcastle-sunderland derby.
the electrics can't deal with the internet, mince and potatoes all at the same time.
newcastle 3 - sunderland 2, it appears that derby didn't show up...

quite a score that for a tyne/wear derby, no doubt there will be phone calls from my brother and nic's dad who were both there at st. james'

thanks to telecom italia and their out of date cables, i was unable to listen to the match live.

Friday, October 21, 2005

seven wonder(if)s of the world at 23:43 GMT+1 20_10_05

I wonder if this black spot I keep seeing is something or nothing
I wonder if I'll find the courage to even apply for a residency in New Mexico
I wonder if the babies cry simply because I'm trying to concentrate/sleep/go to the toilet
I wonder if those pains in my left arm mere anything to worry abot today
I wonder if we will ever find the balls to stop people dying of starvation
I wonder if I'll ever find the balls to actually do something instead of crying at a documentary
I wonder if the world really would stop if I simply walked out of work one day and went to Venice for the afternoon

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


what do we have to look forward to this week in class 4?
how about this: for p.e. instead of going to the gym we are continuing our rowing course on the venetian lagoon!! last week i was out in a dragon boat,

other kids were out in a canoe and others learned the basics of 'voga alla veneta', a type of rowing specific to the venetian lagoon. you've all seen the classic gondolier right? we're learning to do that!
in class wqe're doing 'death!' but not in venice though. death and burial rituals in ancient egypt. after the dual crown of the united kingdoms of upper and lower egypt, we are going to see what would happen to the pharoah after his death...

...if he was an apple that is.

mummification of fruit, better than arithmetic i suppose.


the boys had their first haircut today. they look like little lads!
hooligans at home, angels at nursery. 14month old con artists!
the boys got their first pair of 'proper' shoes today. very sensible shoes,
considering dad's taste in brothel creepers and bovva boots.

mass of unpleasantness

it's a strange thing, depressive illness,stress, this collection of fears, crises of confidence, confusion, this black mass of unpleasantness that engulfs me on a more and more frequent basis. i use 'unpleasantness' as i simple can't think of the correct word without sounding somewhat melodramatic.
it's strange thing because, often when i am at my worst - i am at my best.
it's a strange thing, when i find it hardest to function in the 'real world' my other stuff kicks in. spontaneous ideas, and lots of them come along sometimes all at the same time so that i can't 'get them out.
recently i started writing, for no real reason, a kind of surreal story for this blog. it came from a child's sponge floor tile which had the shape of a frog
stamped out of it. i'm not saying that the story is good, but it sort of just 'fell out' of my head! as i progressed with the next part i began to reread the first and realise that it was, in its own way, an interesting thing. the more i realised that i could be onto something here, something to do to express what's going on in my head, the less i was able to continue with it. the more stable i become, the more unable i become.
it's a strange thing.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Blond triplets in full drag.

"Get me up!" I croaked, so that the Frog would understand just what it was I wanted.
"I'm afraid" he croaked back.
"Don't be afraid darling, i's only a graze. My tennis may be a little off for a week or two but we can still go out." I interjected from between two jects.
"I'm afraid that the telephone is out of action, you portly, potential paraplegic! It was crushed under the antlers during the apple falling incident." He offered.
I declined only having recently managed to quit. "Use your cell phone!" I ribbeted on old French.
"Eh?" queried my trusty sidekick in fluent modern English.
"I was talking to the toad, man." I explained to my trusty sidekick.
He kicked me in the side and left the scene the same way he had entered, pointlessly.
"Use your cell phone!" I reribbeted in a recent romanesque dialect.
And the telephone rang, it was the police station.
"Hello, hello, hello!" chorused three unclear voices. "Thees ees the local nick," offered the least muffled of the three, "Excuse the lack of clarity but it is hot here and the glue on our special pleece issue moustaches isn't adapted for outdoor use. We believe we have a French mess in one of our cells, a fat orange chap, rabbiting on about a phone. We picked him up after he aroused our suspicions."
At this point here was a pause I was convinced that there was a distinct triple moan from the other end of the phone. Walking to the other end of the phone I stumbled over three piles of oozing fat.
"Oi! Watch it you great multi-bellied mug!" belched the smaller of the piles, lurching up from the floor. It was the frog.
"I thought you were in the nick!" I blurted
"I was." he blunted.
"But how come you're here and not there?" I bleated.
"It's not there any more." he bloated
"How come?" I blurted again for sheere lack of verbs.
"I nicked it!" replied the even less imaginative, tangerine toned, Gallic henchman.
Somewhere in the distance a door slammed, a dog barked, a tumble weed, a wolf whistled and a tortoise headed of into the bushes.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Faceless Lion Inspired Lesser Knuckle Injury

The waiter, being hard of hearing, accepted the ten euro note with Good Grace. After a while however he realised that Good Grace no longer worked there and saw no reason to share the bank note with her. The waiter, Walter informed Good Grace in no uncertain terms, using certain terms that on hearing Good Manners simply got up and walked away, that he was not prepared to share the red note. Good Grace took the pip but Walter did not care, for he had finished with it.
Realising that both she and the pip were finished in the story, Good Grace left with Good Will. Will was surprised.

Watching all of this from the bosom of some long defunct, dead Egytpian bird I began to realise that I would have to eventually admit the fact that I was stuck. My fowl legged Gallic friend had long since flown the coop, but notwithstanding (in fact with a lot of without vomiting) had long since come back.
The waiter tripping, the lack lustre butterfly link had been entirely his idea.

I on the other hand, before this evening, had been on my other knees trying to make sense of my dear friend Noah. As twisted as things may get I thought, at least I'll have Noah dear! Which is often better than not.

Meanwhile musing meanly my attention was drawn and my curiosity photocopied, and both posted to an anonymous address. Realising the gravity of the situation I hit the floor with a tremendous thump, a clattering crunch and the palm of my hand.

Monday, October 10, 2005

no entry

(Beacuse of weirdly problemings with Blogger tonight, this post should be before the next one, but isn't...and therefore makes even less sense being here.

i really can't think of anything to write tonight, la scatola dell'idiota fa interference.
not to be confused with inter - firenze which would be a football match.
aah, that's better.


As the pea-green bunny sidled up to the dimpled butterfly i told that god damned tangerine frog to close his ugly mouth and keep an eye out for the blue strawberry.
"Hey cool it little crippled buddha man!" he replied hollow-eyed from his hiding place right out in the open.

"Watch that bunny you citrus tinged French Lieutenant's lunch!" I hissed from my perch on Cleopatra's breast. "He's already had it away with the reindeer, he left only the antlers underneath that apple there!"

"Did you know that the reindeer in Spain are usually difficult to explain?" ventured my wide-mouthed watchman. Out in the open he was exposed to the sun, accepting his cheque from the gutter pressman in the gutter he put his trousers back on. The heat had, I feared, given our position away as there was a strong smell of chicken coming from the direction of the obvious french gentleman who was covering on a plum leaf, staring at entirely thewrong rabbit.

"Shut up and watch that bunny man!" I whispered in a shout.

"Hey! Spare us the Cuttering remarks, for under this Killing Moon I am ready, even Crocodiles couldn't move me from my task. I'll watch the rabbit you just watch the butterfly!"

And with that he tripped the waiter.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

christmas present

just looking up at the electric idiot lantern and i notice that the sunday evening film is "natale sul nilo" (christmas on the nile).
for reasons known only to someone else.

steaky fingers

steak and baked potato with roasted peppers and courgettes - note, despite being in italy i am still using the good old 'english' name, which is indeed french. dinner was given a french touch by the after dinner munching of 4 sugared pistache, courtesy of dragees reynaud, marseilles and deux bits of 'lindt excellence vanille naturelle blanc extra fin' - eat the chocolate then repeat the name twice and the action of your jaw muscles actually burns off the calories consumed.
yes i know lindt is swiss, but they speak french there.

(it's a) wonderiful world - 7 wonders of the moment

i wonder if my piece will make it into Visible language

i wonder if my pieces will make it into the fluxus performance workbook

i wonder if they have a job that will straighten me out

i wonder if i'll wake up one day and not hurt somewhere

i wonder if i'll ever find the courage to show people who i am

i wonder if people will ever stop assuming who i am

i wonder if it ever gets easier

friends and kitchen acoustics and grappa

funny how having children children seems to erase your number from peoples phone books.

and i'm not the type to go on about babystuff. i am absolutely in love with my boys but i'm also aware that on the whole my friends do'nt really want to hear about about them all the time.

oh well....

luckily at the moment i'm quite happy staying in, working on some music projects and a couple of websites (well i'm at the thinking stage there anyway).
walter cianciusi's 'fluxus anthology' cd project and rod stasick's 'job_app' (based on the works of john m. bennett) have got me going.

been recording a load of experimental stuff, but more interestingly i've been working on a lot of new guitar based stuff, both new songs and covers. so far ive put down some acoustic/samples mixes of 'working class hero' and ' love will tear us apart' (acoustic guitar and 'kitchen' being the instruments used).
the mixes are pretty rough as i'm working solely on a laptop with no professional mic, but the approach i've found for the covers and the new original tunes which as yet have no texts) is actually quite exciting for me - the first time i've been actually excited and inspired to play for a long time for reasons of music and not only for booze and the chance to let rip and pretend to be someone else.

friends again:
i have to be honest, because i can't get out for the old 'sprizz hour' (aperatif) and most people go out to eat, which i tend to do at home to at least spend some baby-free time with nic, and nobody seems to just nip out for a pint - i haven't really been making any efort to go out.

did go out the other evening with nic and a couple of friends (we had a babysitter! yep grandma was here). an agriturismo - set menu, set price, no hassle, unlimited wine...and then my downfall (he types slurping a larg jack daniels single barrel), grappa. it's been a long time, and i did give it a good go, there's something about a full bottle that just brings out the competative side in me! know, i don't think i really like jack daniels all that much. i prefer a good scotch and a good irish too.

anyway after the grappa we went to bar vittoria for another coffee, so i had a couple of mojitos (couldn't pronounce caffè, not enough syllables!)

last sunday was a washout...

job satisfaction and other mysteries

after working in a place for nigh on 6 odd years, well 4 odd years, one rather peculiar and one downright frighteningly bizarre year, a man may be surprised, and not pleasingly so, when offered a pay cut. one fight and one much more civilised meeting on and it appears that i was right, the new contract is for less money.

hopefully by april should be sorted out! hope so as it means i'll be back working for the gallery in some shape or form. got to do something to get out of this hole, i'm in permanent pain now, like one long heart attack without the pain in the arm and the risk of death...bit annoying really.

firebomb telecom and petrol pumps full o' wine

well then, it's been a fair old while since i've been able to get anything posted here. we can thank telecom italia for that. ten phone calls and ten different reasons why the ADSL line is not up and running after the transfer of the line from the old house to the new. turns out that all those reasons were a load of cobblers as the eleventh and twelve phonecalls came up with the same answer - the phone line in the new house is not yet capable of supporting ADSL.
but thanks to we now have dial up, so at least michael leigh will have something to read!

it's strange, i've being looking forward to getting back on here and now i am i can't think of anything to say!

just been out across the road for some wine. 5 litres of pinot grigiot - 7euro! took the old flask across to massimo in the cantina and got a refill. man tha place is too close! drinking that juice can be dangerous to a soul, via san donà is a busy road to cross witha a 5l flagon, thank the great gods of valhalla that there was no rain to oil the skidpan outside bruno's butcher shop. the curve before the co-op instills madness in the minds of the demon fiat punto drivers who can hit mach2 before whipping the skirts of mara while she organises the onions outside the family fruit and veg shop, before vapourising their tyres whilst slamming on the anchors to avoid the instable inebriates fresh from their tocai fuelled card games in the bar noone knows the name of, crossing the road to the betting shop after pizzeria alice.

it's a wise man who keeps his eyes open and his flask away from the oncoming around these parts at teatime.

aahh! engerland. wor kid, my little brother - trying out his high fat, high carb, high protein diet. his idea being that the energy expended in actually chewing a breakfast that big will outweigh the calorie intake thus rendering him thinner by the end of each meal!

aah, engerland. ascene i used to see everyday an the way to school. i never realised just how beautiful it was until a came to live in a concrete conurbation

the fffo heartily recommends he artwork contained within this edifice (durham road, low fell, gateshead tyne and wera UK). the painting of alan shearer also displays the guest ales!

sol's friend, on the way to baltic

aah! taking the cool, sparkling waters in bar 55�, newcastle upon tyne august 2005